Around the last week of every year, I would make my lists and set my goals for the next year. They would usually be a mile long, full of wondrous ideas and plans that would hopefully lead me to be “successful” and thriving in the new year. Yet somehow, at the end of every new year, after I had crossed off every item on my list and accomplished almost everything I set out to do, there was always a part of me that felt like I was lacking. Like, somehow, even though I set and accomplished these goals, I was not the best at them. If I made a goal to eat better but then went to town on a chocolate cake, I felt like a failure. If I vowed to work out more but then only worked out once a week, I felt like a failure. If I tried to edit more sessions faster but it still was not fast enough for my liking, I felt like a failure. No matter what I accomplished, I still felt less than, like I was always striving for perfection but could never reach it. Then this year, I had to face a very difficult, albeit obvious truth, I am not perfect.

My entire life I proudly described myself as a perfectionist. From early on, I had to be the best at everything. I had to get good grades, lead every group I was a part of, and exceed everyone’s expectations of me. So when I started my business almost five years ago, I took that same perfectionist mentality and applied it to my work. I had to be the best photographer, the best business owner, the best everything. I would push myself to not just be better but to be the best. In my work. In my personal life. In everything. All. The. Time.

What I started to realize was the harder I tried to be the “best” at the everything, to be perfect, the more miserable I felt. I would spend hours stressing and panicking, wondering how I could edit something faster or please this client more; on top of working out, balancing life better, spending more time with family, or whatever else would be running in my head at the same time. Feeling exhausted and defeated, I would lay on the floor of my home office and literally cry, not understanding why I could never reach my idea of “perfect.” I knew something had to change, because this idea that I could somehow reach perfection was crazy and was crushing my soul faster than I’d like to admit.

I started looking for outside guides to lead me to a more peaceful place. I remember my mother saying to me, for years, “Do your best, but best doesn’t mean perfect,” (she would make my sister and I say the “perfect” part before we would get on the bus to go to school.) I chanted her words over and over again every time I would feel that perfectionist in me trying to get out. I started celebrating my small victories each day, whether I accomplished everything on my list or not, I reveled in the good I was able to do on that day. I started reading Lara Casey’s uplifting book “Make It Happen” and felt so inspired by how she overcame the same struggles with perfection. Then I read a quote in her book that her dear friend, Emily Ley, had spoken, it silenced my perfectionist voice and changed everything for me:

“I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.”

In every aspect of my life, I now choose grace over perfection. Whether it’s in my business, my relationships, my physical health, my emotional health, my spirituality, my goals; I will try to live as gracefully as possible, all along knowing that I am flawed. And that’s ok! Being flawed keeps us humble and understanding. There is something so beautiful and freeing to know that we are ALL flawed and we are all trying our best. We can throw that silly idea of perfection straight out the window because it’s never going to happen. We can finally take a deep breath and realize we are exactly where we are supposed to be, right now, in this moment, doing everything we can possibly do. We can keep striving and setting goals but we can take comfort in the fact that even if we do not accomplish everything “perfectly”, we are still good enough!

So, tonight, on New Year’s Eve, when you start making those lists and setting those goals, remember you do not have to be perfect. There is no perfect. Join me in choosing grace over perfection. Because life is way too short to worry about being perfect. Instead, work on being the best you possible, helping others, and enjoying all the wonders this life has to offer.

Have a graceful 2016, my friends!