October 6, 2022
I first met Kristy at her husband’s epic birthday party (which she planned perfectly.) Seriously you want her to plan all your birthdays. We were both VERY pregnant and due within one day of each other. I put my number in her phone and once our daughters were born, she became one of my first “mom friends” here in Seattle. We texted each other at all hours of the day (and night!) over the new woes and indescribable moments of joy that is parenthood. I value her honesty and openness and I’m thrilled to have her be a part of this project.
Tell us about your motherhood journey
Motherhood wasn’t always a dream of mine, but then I met my partner and I really thought that the earth might just be a bit more fun with some extra “us” around. When we conceived, I was excited, anxious, nervous, scared (after all, my own parents would know that I had sex, yikes!)
My baby grew within me for months and it was an unpleasant pregnancy. I envied those who enjoyed that experience and I felt robbed that my body didn’t react the way I thought it would.
I didn’t consider myself a mom until my daughter was born. Even then, holding her in my arms, the idea of me being a mother to this little stranger felt so bizarre. I remember thinking people were going to come in and take her at any moment, like I was being pranked. No, she is mine. I still can’t believe that. I look at her daily and think of how amazing she is. I feel lucky to be her mom. Every day I tell her that creating her is best decision that I have ever made.
Being a mom has its ups and downs. Her birth was very quick, slightly dangerous, and a miracle– I feel like that is a good analogy for the experience of motherhood itself. Has it been hard? Oh yes, very! Do I have regrets? Yup! Did I have PPD? Absolutely. Do I have joy that is incredibly difficult to describe? Yup. Do I finally know the feeling of true love? Yes. Would I ever do it again? 100%.
What does being a mom mean to you?
Love, sleepless nights, cold food, endless worry, and a beautiful new strong body gifted by baby.
Being a mom means being selfless and being my daughter’s safe space. I no longer just live for me. When my daughter was in utero she borrowed my health, modified my body, altered my mind, and now that she is earth-side she has completely changed my life and my heart. For her, I am her rock and her comfort. She has awarded me with that hard earned title of mom. Her safe space could have been someone else, but it’s me. I choose her and she chooses me.
What is one thing you wish you would have known before becoming a mom?
The hardest part about parenting is the emotion around parenting. I learned that, but I learned that after. A friend told me that, and it’s never felt more true.
Tell us about yourself
I’m Kristy. I’m a mom – Prim’s mom to be exact. I’m also wife, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a niece, a friend, a creative, a therapist in training, a professional filmmaker, and a want-to-be chocolatier. I’m kind, a bit cynical, fun, sarcastic. I’m finally happy. I’m human.
Advice to new moms?
1. Find your community and it might not be who you expect! – I encourage and welcome you to embrace it. It’s okay to ask for help (in whatever form that is) and it’s okay to want a little of time just for you. Being a mother is selfless but it doesn’t mean that you are selfish if you take any time for YOU. Put your own oxygen mask on first. You can’t take care of someone else until YOU take care of YOU.
2. It’s helpful to reframe a baby’s cries as communication and sometimes as pain. People experience pain to grow and learn. Psychologist Rollo May is quoted saying “one does not become fully human painlessly”. I think of this often and I become a support for my child. The cries will end as will the cuddles. As parents, we are to be there for both.
3. Trust your gut and mama instincts. Always.
What is something you are hoping to learn in the next year?
I want to practice and learn how to forgive myself for silly and not so silly mistakes… then I want to believe it to be true – that I am forgiven and that it’s okay. My daughter will be who she was always meant to be. Being a good mother doesn’t mean perfection. Show up. Attune. Grow. Heal. Forgive.
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