January 23, 2023
I’m so excited to share these beautiful images of Margarete and her son, Khalil! Their bond was so sweet to capture on film. Margarete also shares about her motherhood journey authentically and beautifully. There were many real moments she shared that I could relate to as a new mom myself.
Tell us about yourself
My name is Margarete Daniels. I am a big sister, wife and a mother, a creative, fierce and logical person. I have a bachelors in biology and dream of working in a research lab one day. I suffer from high functioning anxiety and I am learning to be gentle with myself in the best and worst moments.
I feel I’ve lived a million lives and who I am has morphed through different versions of myself and where I am at in those lives – a farmer, athlete (soccer), artist, scientist, student, teacher, corporate woman, and now mom.
I love hard, trust easily, and am learning to set boundaries.
I’m currently learning more about this phase of my life as Khalil’s mom – learning how to support and lift my child through the many learning moments and milestones while healing my inner child, finding my joy in this new life, and learning to parent through the chaos of anxious thoughts.
Tell us about your motherhood journey
Motherhood has been an upheaval for me. I thought I could become a mom as an extension of the person I was before having a kid, but for me that was not possible. I became a completely different person – every part of my life changed.
It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but a huge transition that was completely unexpected and I was unprepared for.
I went through pregnancy during the heart of the pandemic – my husband was unable to come to any of my ultrasounds or doctors appointments. I saw very few people, and didn’t have a baby shower or any form of community celebration. I had friends disappear that I thought would be part of my support system as I went through this transition. It was incredibly isolating. Additionally, I experienced trauma during my birthing experience. These things helped trigger my first months as a mom to be marred by postpartum depression – but I didn’t know I was suffering until I was on the other side of it. I often mourn those months that I have only little memory of my son when he was so young – and have immense guilt that I might not have shown up the way I should have for him.
This all sounds negative, but becoming a mom has been the greatest joy of my life. I feel like the transformation I went through has grounded me in ways my life never had before. The struggles that I faced only deepened my love and connection with my son, and helped me explore a part of me that I never knew existed. It has allowed me to focus on my own healing, and to focus in on what my body is telling me I need, as I help my son navigate his own emotions, feelings and this incredibly complex and beautiful world he is in. In more ways than I can put into words my son has taught me the true meaning of love; not just for others, but for myself as well. He has reincarnated my curiosity, my spontaneity, and the inner child that I lost a long time ago.
My journey has been tumultuous, but the crashing waves have created such a beautiful mosaic of glass from the broken shards, and I can’t wait to see the continuing work of art that is created day by day.
What does being a mom mean to you?
Sacrifice. Unwavering love. Hard boundaries. Healing of my inner child. Joy.
It means being responsible for the growth of curiosity, empathy and values in another human. Showing endless and unwavering love. Putting yourself second most of the time.
It means being the safe place for your child – his first home and his forever comfort.
What is one thing you wish you would have known before becoming a mom?
I wish I had known how isolating it can be, especially being the first people in our “group” to have a kid. You truly find out who is in your circle, and it was incredible how quickly people disappeared around us, or we had to step away from that we thought would be our key support through this transition.
Becoming a mom during the heart of the pandemic only compounded that isolating feeling, and I just wish I would have been better prepared to mourn those friendships I thought would be life-long.
Any advice to new moms?
Find your community of moms that are due around the same time as you/have babies of similar ages early, or really lean on those “aunties and uncles” to your child.
Ask for what you need. People do not know, so you must be vocal about the support you need. No “we are tired but so happy and doing great” texts – instead say “it would be great if you could come over for a few hours so I could nap/take a shower“ or “my house is a mess. Do you mind coming and doing some light cleaning for us?” These small asks will be monumental in your transition.
Put down Google!!! The internet does not have all the answers. Every baby is different – listen to your babies cues and you will know what to do.
Find a therapist before you have kids, so that if you end up with PPD/PPA you have already established a relationship with someone and can seek the help you deserve through those tough times – one that also has kids is always a perk!
Motherhood is both the most beautiful and most challenging thing I have ever done. It’s ok if it doesn’t feel easy or like you’re nailing it. We don’t talk enough about the struggles of motherhood, and I can guarantee that MANY people have the same feelings/challenges. At the end of the day, you go to sleep knowing you did your best and tomorrow is another day. Our goal is not to “win” motherhood but to provide a safe and loving space for our kids to grow and develop – if we did that, even if imperfectly, we are doing amazing. Remember, we are your child’s first home.
What is something you do just for yourself?
This is something I’m still working on. It’s hard to find the time or energy. I think a big one for me is seeing a therapist – it has helped me organize the chaos in my mind and given me perspectives I may have missed. She’s amazing, and also a mom – something I highly recommend for other mamas that aren’t having the “Instagram mom” experience.
I recently started making a list I called “things that bring me joy” and got stumped. I’m still working on getting to know the new me, so I didn’t know what to write down. So I changed it to “things that used to bring me joy” and started writing down the things I used to love doing. Many of them are dang near impossible with a toddler running around the house (I used to paint, but I can’t imagine getting out the acrylics, the easel, the water jar, etc and not having them end up everywhere lol). I used this list to think of things I could start trying that were more feasible in my new life – it’s a start, and this is something I’m really starting to focus on as I continue to get to know the knew me I birthed along with my son.
Additionally, listening to audiobooks has been a source of joy for me. When I was deep in my postpartum depression listening to the Harry Potter books while nap trapped got me through some dark days. I don’t have the time to sit down and physically pick up a book, but listening to audiobooks while cleaning, cooking, etc. has brought me so much joy. Here is my plug for your local library – the Libby app has been amazing!
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